Disappear, please.

Life is hard sometimes, I guess. Life is full of ups and downs. I didn't expect that I will experience this so early. I'm writing this because I can't keep it in myself anymore. It's been 1 month and 23 days since he left us. I don't get it. It's so hard. I never thought this would happen. Of all people, why him? In our theology subject, he told us that letting go is a nature to us human. That we need to let go in order for us to move on.

There are so many things I want to say to him. There are so many things I want to do with him. I also miss all the things we do. A simple conversation about my crush, a simple text every morning, a simple good bye and hello, a lousy fight with him about the way I cook those things make up my day. But, without him, I think my life stopped for a moment. I thought I will be tough with situations like this. But no. I can't helped it. At the end of the day I was left thinking about him,longing for him and wishing that this is just a dream. We never talked about this. I am not prepared. I thought me and my dad are partners. Partners don't leave their partners without goodbye or saying you love them. I am so stupid not to tell him I love him and ignoring his texts. I missed him badly. I missed his texts. I missed his smile and that shiny metal in his tooth.

Memories. That's the only thing I had for now and for the next years. It is not bad to miss you everyday, right? How can you leave me like this? You know I can't handle a simple toothache or even a headache?! I always need you to sing a lullaby for me and hold me in your arms until I fell asleep. Who will be there whenever I want a buko shake or shawarma? Who will be there when I am down and feel left alone or even shy with my new classmates?You told me I need not to be shy with them and try my best in school. I did it, you know! But, you left me. You are so unfair.
I say, life really sucks and losing someone you love makes it even more. Can I just close my eyes? And when I open them, this is all....gone.

A welcome back post

Its been 4 months since my last post. Well, I forgot about this blog thingy. And also, truth be told, I just made this blog for a grade. xD I'm just being honest. ;) And then, one time I was with my friends, namely: Kate, Julia, Marisol, Ann and Donna well, sadly, Carla is not present.Just kidding. So, we chat and chat and chat and chat again. Then, Maris visited the blog of Kate. And I had fun reading some of her posts. I can't forget the fact that she really wants to be like Barbie and also she likes the smell of gasoline, kinda weird eh? But sounds cool to me. :) And I realized that I also have my blog. So, I decided to make a new post. And this is it. Hahaha. Sooooo, I don't know what to say!!Arrgh.

It's March already and I'm having a countdown! Our graduation day is fast approaching. Mixed emotions. I think I'm losing my marbles! I still don't want to end my school life. Yeah, life been hard to me. Especially, in love life. Oh men, I wish I can eat all my problems!! It's a win-win situation. I'll be full and at the same time my problems will disappear. I also wish, i have a wand. So, I can hex people who are mean to me. *evil laugh
I just don't get it? Am I not worth loving for? Am I not good? Am I not... ARRRRGH! I can't take it anymore. Fine, be with her. I don't care. But still, Watashi wa anata aishite! Watashi wa airu tsuneni narimasu! :) Maybe, I just love the wrong person, at the wrong time and wrong place. Or maybe your name is not yet written in what God planned for me.

I didn't expect to be so dramatic in this post. But yeah, that's what I feel right now. Some people won't understand but I admit I loved the guy. It's not just an infatuation. One time, our teacher told us about the difference between love and infatuation. I found out it is Love. And that's what hurts me most. I'm inlove. But he's not. I'm just a total stranger.  Awww. Well, anyways, I am happy for him. (bitter)  Haha. So, I guess, Love is out of my vocabulary again. Forever alone.